My Portfolio
 |
The Prince Indrajit or Meghnad
|
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Reading Notes: PART A: Gaia's Secret 1-2
For this weeks reading I did another video series. This week was the Seven Secrets of the Goddesses, Epified series. This first week focused...
-
Hello everyone. My name is Bailey Dennis. I am a Senior here at the University of Oklahoma. I am a History major. My best class I look last ... -
Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to tonight's title fight. Tonight is a special fight between two heavyweights. In the left corner, we... -
My Portfolio The Prince Indrajit or Meghnad https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Victory_of_Meghanada_by_RRV.jpg ...
Hey Dennis!
ReplyDeleteIt is so good to see someone else getting started on their project and see what all they are doing with the different web possibilities!
First, your story that you posted is really good. I really like how you used dialogue with in your story. I think that helps the reader personalize with the story. Great Job! I wonder what would happen if you gave a little more of an introduction to the story before the dialogue began. Do you think it would change how the story appeals to the reader? What if you separated the dialogue a little more to make each quote by themselves? It might make it easer for the reader to decipher what is and isn't part of a paragraph
Overall, your website looks great and your story is really good. I'm looking forward to seeing how your project progresses over the semester! Thanks for sharing!
Hey Dennis!
ReplyDeleteI loved this version of Ravana's first encounter with Sita. Overall, the story line was great. The editor in me had a hard time reading the story. I highly suggest going back through your story and putting punctuation in some places like "compete with him That" along with making some of your short sentences a bit longer. Another thing that didn't really make sense was a sage providing compliments to a pretty lady...sages are known to be very reserved in the Hindu religion. Sages are known for their many old scriptures they follow in, which there is a strong emphasis on male-female interaction and how it takes place. Sages don't provide compliments to females, especially regarding the beauty of an unknown female. Also, I think a little bit more could have been added to your main section, it just feels a bit incomplete at the moment.
Your website looks great!
Hey Dennis, I really enjoyed reading your story about Ravana abducting Sita because it was unique the way you wrote the story. For example, I really like how you told the story from Ravana perspective and it was interesting reading your story. Wow, the comedic tone of your story made this story really funny and made me see Ravana in a different view and good job. I wonder if what would have happened if Ravana failed to capture Sita and instead she tricks him and runs away from Ravana then wouldn’t it hurt his pride. I would want to see what would Ravana do to try to kidnap her again. What if Rama never went to go catch golden deer and instead his brother Lakshmana went to capture the golden deer and in the end, Rama and Ravana both end up having some kind of “How to impress Sita” battle and Ravana lost brutally, then it would have been funny.
ReplyDeleteHi Dennis!
ReplyDeleteYour site works great, I found it very functional and had no issues with navigation or clarity. Perhaps an image or two on the main page could show the readers a preview of the Ravana they will be reading about.
Ravana's perspective brings a fresh twist on the story, and the way you phrased Sita's immediate conversation regarding her husband reminded me of nothing less than the infamous "I have a boyfriend" response (which Ravana did actually ask about though). In fact, this entire piece feels like a pickup line gone horribly wrong, which made me laugh.
I also think Ravana's egocentric internal monologue fits very well in this story. His disbelief over Sita's spurning feels like actual shock when told this way, which I liked a lot. The decision he makes to kidnap her feels impromptu, not premeditated, which seems more logical to me considering the great build-up he put into his question popping.
The dialogue works well, but I find myself wanting more of Ravana's internal monologue. Your Ravana is hysterical and fills in all of the backstory and action pieces, and I would love to read more of his thoughts and reactions during the story.
Great job!
Hello Dennis!
ReplyDeleteYour site is great and everything is good. I also loved your story of Ravana abducting Sita. The first page looks empty there should be picture like Laura mention and maybe some information on it would be nice.
I like your story from Ravana's perspective and it is good to hear same story but someone else perspective it makes much more interesting. It was easy to follow and read but there are some sentences where you mention that Sita said she does not want Ravana's Kingdom. It is not mention in your story and I started wondering where it came from so would specify who says what and make other character talk as well. It will be much more interesting if other character participates in the story. But I really like your dialogue the tone and the character of Ravana who is trying to impress Sita by his wealth. Sita is like nope I am good with who I am with right now. I like that part of the Sita and that made Ravana very angry and that is how she got kidnapped really interesting. I look forward to reading your story in the future.
Hi Dennis great job on your Portfolio so far I just read your first two stories! I really like how you spun the original story of Rama and Ravana fighting into something completely new. Changing the characters into fourth graders makes it a very interesting read, and adds a little humor into the story. One of my favorite parts is when you talk about how the two 'cliques' just stared at each other from across the playground. One thing that I would recommend for your remaining portfolio stories is continuing to change the characters with each respective story. I really appreciate the different situations in the first story compared to the original and it would be great to see that again in the remaining stories. It seemed as if your second story was a little too close to the original. Great job on your first story I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHello Dennis,
ReplyDeleteI loved your first story about how the kids have specific groups. I know when I was in elementary school that is exactly how it is. You made the story so relevant to many of us. That had been my favorite park about this class, is making up stories and making them our own. You have done a great job with both stories. They only thing I saw was in your first story in the authors not I isn't capitalized. I am not the best at look at errors, I like to just enjoy reading the story. I think something that could have been cool was saying that when the kids were older the bully continued to try to get after the prettiest girl. You could connect those stories that way. I would enjoy reading about these kids growing up. You did a great job, keep it up.
Hi Dennis! The first thing I noticed was that your homepage was looking a little bare. You could add little blurbs for your stories, a link to your comment wall, an introduction to yourself, or an explanation of why you're doing the project. Next, you might consider making your banners for your stories the larger size. It seems like your images got cut off quite a bit. You should click on view published site to see if you're happy with the way things look. Your first story was hilarious! I really loved it! The playground setting and writing style were great contrasts to the original. I love how you retell the second story, adding in Ravana's thoughts. You've reduced him to a very childish man with too much power for anyone's good. I think it would be great if you added in more dialogue between Ravana and Sita before he tells her who is. Did he really think that just telling her she's got a rockin' bod was going to get her in his chariot? Incredible job with both stories Dennis. I look forward to seeing what else you write!
ReplyDeleteHey Dennis! I'm from the Mythology and Folklore class and I was really excited when I found out we got to read your class' stories because I'm really interested in seeing the difference! I like how you changed the story, "Meghnad v. Lakshman" from a normal fight to a schoolyard fight because it makes it more relatable for the audience to read. Almost all of us I'm assuming have either been in a schoolyard fight or witnessed one. I also like the language you use throughout because it is relevant to the topic. I'm sure the language, if any was used in the original story was very different than what you changed it to. I also like how you say, "they went back to their turf by the swings" in the end because I am just imaging these gladiator fourth graders determining the swings as their palace and it makes me giggle. Great job and keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Bailey! You do a great job in "Meghananada V Lakshmana" creating a funny, overly serious tone that emphasizes how serious an fight like this is to kids. Also having the fight decided by the first one to cry loses was pretty fitting for a fight between fourth graders. I feel like you could explore more of the lead up to the confrontation or the characters themselves. I wanted to know more about who Rama's and Ravana's crews were and why Rama was the king of fourth grade.
ReplyDeleteIn "Ravana the Great and Powerful" I like that you maintain your sense of humor in this piece as well. You were able to effectively tell the story with just Ravana's inner thoughts and some dialogue which is impressive, but I wonder if it could use a little more dialogue. Particularly when Sita rejects Ravana. When I read it, it seemed like I missed something when Ravana says "she dares reject me" before the reader knows she has rejected him.
Hi Dennis!
ReplyDeleteI have got to say. Your first story, Meghanada and Lakshmana, made me laugh. You wrote it as if it was some huge tale, full of epic battles, when in reality, it was just two young kids fighting over a girl. The way you described the toys given to them by the middle schoolers as sacred weapons... priceless. The way you used such a serious tone on something that was clearly not too serious did wonders for the humorous effect. Your author's note on this story was also nicely done.
In your second story, you do a perfect job in characterizing Ravana's arrogance. He thinks he is better and more powerful than Rama, so any woman should automatically fall in love with him. To his distaste, Sita doesn't care about his power. The one part that dismays me, however, is that despite all this power her claims to have, he couldn't kill one measly vulture? Perhaps he just didn't care enough? Either way, job well done.
Hi Dennis!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your humorous take on the epic! I think in this class it's easy to take the stories too seriously, since they cover quite serious material sometimes, but keeping in mind context and the age of the story helps to understand that part of it. It was refreshing to read something less intense, as in my own project I focused on the sadder stories we've read. I found Rama and Ravana's interactions to be among the most interesting in the class, and your take on them is very entertaining! Great work! I hope that you will, in the last additions to your project, continue to flesh out Ravana, as I feel he's a sadly under-described character in the version of the Epic I read.
Thanks
Britt
Hi Dennis! I believe I’ve read your second and third stories and sung their praises before, so I’m going to focus on the first story. I’m loving the photoshopped image you’ve used for your banner, but most of it is cut off. You might consider using a different sized banner or cropping the image in a way that your readers can see the face. When I read “Come at me bra,” I actually chuckled in class. I thought it was very clever that the riddles were actually questions about being a scout and the reason that Yudhisthira’s friends died was that the water was unclean. I’m noticing a common theme of humor and lightheartedness in your portfolio. I really enjoy when a portfolio has a theme, instead of being all over the place (like mine lol). I did notice that the first two stories have another thing in common– children. I think it would be interesting if you turned Ravana and Sita into children in the final story. Very nice job so far!
ReplyDeleteHey Dennis , I liked Ravana story that is on your portfolio you titled it "Ravana and the Great Powerful."The first part of the story was laid out well, then you transited into dialogue and I felt like that helped with the story too. Reading though your story i see that there were a lot of semester. Reading the other stories you had this one brought my most attention and having to pick and fix the story is the only way to express themselves. I think being able to talk and have people look at your stories, this might have always helped with the opinionated statements. I told her to shoot for her dreams and do whatever she makes me happy not anybody else watching. I really enjoyed the stories and the layouts of the stories you have read. I hope that little nap i took would help with anything.
ReplyDelete