Suddenly Bheem was awakened by a violent shaking and a loud shriek. All around him he could only see sky. The ground was not even visible below, only crowds. Bheem realized his friend must have turned on the hot air balloon. He would not have long to curse his friends because he saw where the shrike was coming from, giant birds were attacking his balloon. Thinking quickly Bheen created a slingshot out of his belt. Thankfully he had a lot of change in his pocket and began shooting it at the birds. A mighty battle took place, the birds diving and clawing at Bheem, but they were no match for his quarters and dimes. Bheem killed many of the birds and the last few flew of to escape their prey turned tormentor.
Bheem was safe for the moment but he was still climbing higher and higher into the sky. Soon all he could see was clouds all around him. Some of the clouds even seemed to look like buildings rising above a distant cloud city. As he continued to arise Bheen gasped in amazement as he arose before a mighty sky palace. Suddenly his balloon stopped as if he was on solid groud. Timidly Bheem began to test the clouds around him and discovered they would support his weight. As he approached the palace he was approached by the a giant and magnificent golden bird.
"Behold I am Vasuki, King of the sky, It is good to see you Bheem" siad the bird.
"How do you know my name?", asked Bheem.
"We are relatives Bheem, it is time for you to reach your full potential, take this bottled air, it will give you the strength of a thousand eagles."
Bheem took the bottle and inhaled the sweet aroma. Instantly he felt energized and powerful. He knew it was time for him to become the leader he was destined to be.
Authors note: I based my story on a video series from the Mahabhartha. In the original Beem is tied up and thrown in the ocean. He escapes his bondage, fights off sea snakes, and sinks to an underwater kingdom. He meets Vasuki, the snake ruler of the underwater kingdom, who gives him a magic potion. I decided to do the opposite with my story. Upwards instead of downwards.
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| Bheem meeting Vasuki flickr image
Epified: Mahabharata
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Hi, Dennis! Reading your story, I think you could ass some more imagery! What does the balloon look like? What kind of day was it? Also, some dialogue could make it even more engaging. I love what you’ve done with the story. The concept of a hot air balloon makes this story so interesting to read. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Bailey!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story “The Magic in the Sky.” Further, I thought your story flowed very well. Also, I think you did a good job at incorporating dialogue between your characters I think it made your story just that much better. Additionally, the image you used complemented your story really well! Overall, I think you did a great job on your story and I can’t wait to see what you come up with next!
Hello again, Bailey!
ReplyDeleteWhat an incredible story! That's awesome how you used an image from Sesame Street. I feel like almost everyone can relate to that TV show since most of us watched it growing up. I think you did a great job with crafting dialogue and maybe it would benefit the story to include more! I think your Author's Note could include more explanation about the inspiration behind telling the story the way you did. Regardless, great work! I enjoyed the story and I hope you continue writing beyond this course.
Hello Bailey, Reading your story I smiled the whole time and i liked how you used the sesame street picture in the end.. That use to be my show as a kid. But i really enjoyed the thrill i had throughout the whole story. I think this story had a good turn out and i hope each and every story you write turns out to be great like this one.
ReplyDeleteHello again Bailey! I really enjoyed reading your story. It was an interesting take gave the story a lighter and cheerier feel. The picture at the end had me cracking up it was so perfect. I think the only thing missing is more details. It's such a cool story but seems a bit short and that it could be lengthened a bit.
ReplyDeleteHey, Bailey, great job with this story. I think it was super creative that you decided to a) modernize the story by setting it at an airshow and b) to make Bheem go up instead of down, as you put it in your author's note. I also thought it was really funny that you used an image of Big Bird and the Count as your image. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHello again Bailey! I love how you plunged the readers straight into the action from the very beginning! I love how concise your story is yet still detailed and fun to read. I laughed out loud upon seeing Big Bird and the Count! If anything I would like to get a little more into the heads of the characters and really know what they're feeling. But great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Bailey, Good job on keeping the readers attention at the beginning of the story. The descriptive words you used definitely kept the sentences interesting while also giving the reader a lot of details. I like that you held off on using dialog until the very end of the story. I think this made the words of Vasuki very powerful. Great job on the story!
ReplyDelete